LET IT BE ME

Ahnia Leary 

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Let it be me.

Don’t take them, take me.

Prayers to my satin pillowcase, tears pressed into the fabric,

Thoughts creating scenarios that are nothing but tragic.

I wish I could take out my brain and put it in the washing machine.

Cleanse it of all the overthinking and depression caused by this ongoing quarantine.

It’s okay, I’m safe, I’m in my bed.

But that’s probably what Breonna Taylor said,

Or didn’t have to say,

Because why would she assume that she wouldn’t be safe in her house, 3 months before her birthday.

So maybe I am in danger.

Worry turns to fear, fear turns to anger.

Do we not deserve peace?

Year after year battling brutality by police,

Toddlers to elders chanting no justice no peace,

Bullet wounds and battle scars,

PTSD plastered cop cars,

Conditioned to be always ready to fight,

Never stopping to consider that we might…

Not, want to.

I often think about what I would do,

Stuck at a traffic stop, lights flashing red and blue.

You say you see me but can you put yourself in my shoes?

No matter the trauma, no matter the fear,

No matter the impending notion that doom is near,

If my life is the life that this world must take,

To deliver generations for my grandchildrens’ sake

To keep little Black girls young and free like we were,

Not healing from the wound of a racial slur,

So that little Black boys can grow up without pain,

And remain innocent angels like Elijah McClain,

Then make one thing clear,

Gun pressed to my temple, I would have no fear.

I’d say a prayer to the angels that watch me above,

And make sure my family and friends know that they were loved.

So I ask you, can’t you see?

My response is always, let it be me.

Don’t take them, take me.

To Black women this is nothing new.

This is all that we’ve been trained to do.

Like wolves, we protect our pack.

Black men, we’ve always had your back.

I will use my last breath to prevent your obituary.

Take peace in my love, in my arms you’ll find sanctuary.